My babe’s coming tomorrow night. He came here for a three day trip once on November. And since then I felt like everyday was alike. It felt like since he was gone life was so mediocre and repeated that it coundn’t be three-month-long. I can’t remember how I hang out with my friends, how I took exams, and how I passed my new year. They were like big huge events in my life then. And in other times I did nothing. Fact is I had been spent my whole day in my rooms with my phone, my laptop and a bunch of Japanese snacks. In the three months, I finished watching and reading a couple of TV dramas, Japanese animes, mangas and novels. My learning on everything was pulled over, and I even sent back those heavy textbooks back to China where I took them here from.

I can see that now that I was in a very downbeat situation, where I’ve always been in when I was alone. I know, I know that I have done some really good rethinkings on my life and problems and I am quite benifited from them. However I couldn’t ignore the fact that I was such a weak person to live on my own. I need someone to by my side, I mean always. And he’s the one I only have to do it.

During the time I live here I realized just how much I need other people’s admiration, which had so deprived from me when I was little. I know every human being need this as a ‘natural’ resouce to make life easier and healthier. But the difference between me and other normal people is that I care this admiration so much that it’s like my drugs now. I can’t live without it. And a slightness of it would make me so cheer up that I may get insomnia that night. I couldn’t help it. I need someone by my side to produce this ‘drug' for my constantly and permanantly.